Am I really that bad of a person? Am I really that bad to get upset over something that any rational person would get upset over? You try being friends with someone who was always more than a friend to you and then suddenly one day they look at you as less than that to them. Someone who says that they love you for such a long time, and then leaves you for your best friend. Then both of them think I’m out of line for not supporting them. Like I’m the asshole for being upset that someone I really loved is with someone else I really trusted and knew for so many years. Am I really that out of line for being upset over something like that? I mean, at first I was really trying to get over it, but then the person I loved left my best friend because he was an asshole to her or some shit like that. Then she gets back with him. Then she leaves him and starts talking to me again. And despite everything that’s happened, I want to make her feel better. She still makes me smile. I still make her smile. She tells me how much of an asshole the guy was to her and how he called her a bitch and how he makes her sick and all that stuff, and deep down, I’m just relieved that he’s not with her anymore, even if I’m not with her either.
But of course, a month later and they’re apparently madly in love again. Every day I try to talk to her beforehand but I don’t know how. I know I want to try and be her friend again, but things were still hard for me. But no, the one day I wanted to try and talk to her again -Thanksgiving- she’s back with that asshole and pretty much ruins any desire to be her friend again. She thinks I’m upset because “I never made her as happy as he does” but that’s not it. If she really thought he was such a shitty guy, why even keep getting back with him? What’s the point of coming to me after every break up, telling me how depressed you are, telling me you’re cutting yourself, if you’re just gonna keep getting back with him? AND I’M THE ONE OUT OF LINE FOR GETTING UPSET AT THE FUCKING HYPOCRISY.
No. I’m just a piece of shit. I’m a bad person. Even though no one will see it from my point of view… But why do I even care anymore? I don’t know. I guess it’s because I’ve known her for over 2 years. The conversations we used to have. The memories. 2 years doesn’t seem that long, but we talked every single day for hours. It just seemed to me like we had some kind of connection. I don’t know… I should probably just learn not to get so attached next time another girl comes along.